Even with 4 big sisters my brother was born a very sensitive soul- he is an extremely logical person and from a young age was not much for joking and teasing. For awhile I felt that as I big sister I should be little tougher on him because he didn't have a big brother, and for my dad it was the end of the world to come home and see him putting on makeup or brushing our hair. We thought, and perhaps it is because of what we've learned from the media, that because he had no brothers that he (heaven forbid!) would grow up more in touch with his feminine side. Admittedly we worried for awhile- but what we have learned over the years is that my brother is who he is, and probably would be even without all his big sisters.
As I watched the film "Tough Guise" I thought about my little brother and about other boys I've encountered who I (and others) would consider "typically male" because of their behavior. My brother is a typical tween boy- he is video game obsessed, thinks girls are gross (cannot fathom kissing one!), doesn't really understand the need to brush his teeth or change his briefs... he's just not the tough-guy/sporty type. He has been the target of bullying and attacks, and I just don't understand it. The kid is soooooo kind. He is so genuine. He has his close buds but other than that he keeps to himself.
Last year the bullying touched a sensitive nerve in my already sensitive brother and triggered something horrible in him. He has become one of my heroes over the last year as I have watched him battle O.C.D. and a slight case of Asperger's Syndrome, overcome the debilitating obstacles, and confront his bullies. "Why are you so mean to me?" "Why do you call me retarded?" "Are you always such a jerk to people?" These are questions I've heard my triumphant little brother ask his attackers who are usually too stunned to answer. Often they'll end up asking him about his O.C.D. and walk away having learned something. Hopefully they've learned not to be so mean just because someone is not what is generally accepted as normal.
Kids are so intuitive. They are smarter then we give them credit for and completely understand right from wrong. They are so easily influenced by the world around them as they are still figuring out who they are and how they fit in. It is really frightening to think how ignorant they'd be if they were never exposed to something different then what they are shown. My brother didnt think this at first- but now that he's been through the fire and become stronger he sees his challenge as an opportunity to help others, even if the same punks still pick on him. He's cool with not being completely tough guy because his bullies have that tough guise on, and to him they are plain dumb-heads
4 comments:
Hiya. Kudos for being a supportive and insightful big sis. Bullies feed on fear, you're absolutely correct in admiring his confrontation of them as something inspiring.
Its discouraging to me that men in general put so little stock in being open, honest and unafraid to talk about fears, hurts and doubts. Then again, it's an age thing, or maturation. Women definitely arrive at this point in life when you want to make sense of the gender barrier sooner than men, that only want one thing.
And that is a Temple Marriage. ;-)
Great post. My little brother is also in the midst of 3 sisters and there have been times where other kids have made fun of him for not being a "guy's guy." So what if he likes to look good, is into pop music, and likes to draw...what makes him so horrible? I think kids like him and your brother can be an example that being senstive and kind is much better than a tough guy!
Hey Brittany,
I really liked what you said about your brother. I work at a treatment center, and I have dealt with adolescent boys dealing with OCD as well as some boys with asperger's. Some of the boys were difficult, but once they trusted you, sky's the limit. I have always taken a protective approach to the bullied kids, because it drives me crazy. It's not that these kids are defenseless, but a lot of their strength comes from who's standing in their corner. If you're brother has a lot of support, girls or not, then it's no wonder why he has the ability to stand up to knuckle head bullies!!
Hear hear, That was a great post.
I was the middle child between 4 girls, and i too was bullied when younger. I still sometimes have issues regarding my own experience and i think it was great how your brother confronted it head on straight away. I'm inspired by him.
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